You parents are flooded with ‘what else to do’, but what if you are exactly where you should be. You’re the exact right person to be your child’s parent, it’s by design, even the hard parts of it. Even your weaknesses will provide your child the hurdles to navigate with their own skills and personalities. Nothing will go to waste, all will be used for good when in partnership with the best of intentions.

Did you know that you’re not actually grown up? There is no end to growing up. Both you and your child are in process, and it’s true, growing pains are REAL, both physical and emotional! You’ve never been a parent to the 1 month old, 5 yr old or 14 yr old. Let’s stop pretending we know what we’re doing and calling it some form of leadership and even worse, thinking your child is forever controllable.

I encourage you to stay curious, see what’s working, what’s not, start projecting about the sustainability of a process or daily routine. I’m a huge fan of “I Don’t Know”. It’s the most valuable place to start, and stay, in the game and connected to your teammates. Yep, your little one is a teammate, you’re the captain. The quarterback sometimes but mostly you don’t get a turn with the ball.

It’s helpful to establish your family’s touchstone, a safe base. Much like playing tag on the playground there is a designated safe base which you can rest in while everyone runs around frantically. The one for your home is your values, the place all behaviors, emotions, actions and decisions can be weighed, seen and adjusted. If you have singular spot, a written or drawn expression of your family’s most foundational values, you can all simply point to that, stand at that, touch that, so you can all reset, redo, u-turn, repair, rebuild as a team who is with and for each others best selves.

In my workshops I call it your “Statement of Values”. This sounds kind of formal compared to the scribbled creation of our Family Rule that is still stuck on our refrigerator in kids marker and scribbles. It’s been helpful for families to whittle their values into a maximum of 3 attributes and then a sentence. Ours was “We are always kind, safe and fair with our friends and family.” It was always amazing how any blow up, tantrum or misbehavior still fit under this tidy little umbrella of a touchstone. Please cheat and borrow this for now if helpful. No extra points for redoing from scratch. This can always be renewed, updated, a family decision to add or delete or replace something that fits better later - always a healthy family conversation about meaning and context around foundational values.

I’m compelled to mention that these values are for under your roof and to be embodied by your family, but not necessarily shared by every household. It might sound sad you won’t find every household valuing values. You get to figure out teaching tolerance and adaptability rather than judgement or righteousness. Let this simply be the solid ground your family starts from, strives for and stands firmly on both under your roof and out in the world.

I’ve been teaching young families for 20+ years and determinedly trying to grow up for over 50. My drive to grow went 10,000 fold when my 9 month old daughter looked me in the eye and demanded very clearly that I grow up before she does. What an intimidating thing to have a baby demand so fiercely what’s needed of you.

My plan is to occasionally pour in here tid bits of support, guidance and education gleaned from my specialty in early child development, parent coaching certification, K-8th grade substitute teaching, background in commercial visual arts, over 25 years of parenting two incredible humans and 35 years of marriage.

If you’re local to Encinitas CA, join my Musical Sign & Sign classes with your infant - 3 yr old. Or join me for a surf session, yoga class, hike adventure or trail run!

Cheers to your priorities and your own parenting journey,
Mrs. Laura
*yes, of course I’d love to hear what resonates, what created more questions, mostly did this help today?
**and, please be patient with me as my relationship with email isn’t super steady but we do keep finding each other.